Dear Max,
              I am dealing with a negative boss at work, and I was wondering what to do about it? This person is quick to criticize, and they seem to always blame their problems on someone else. To make matters worse, they like to spread their bad days to everyone else. What can I do about it?

Sincerely,

Anonymous
 
Dear Anonymous,
              There is nothing that makes life more difficult than a negative person—someone who seems to suck the energy out of the room when they enter. Make this person your boss, and you are in for a rough time. So how do we deal with it? Personally, I have always been bad at dealing with criticism, and it’s something I still have to work on daily. Every time a boss sends an email with “Let’s chat.”, part of me dies inside. Every time I read a less than stellar review about my performance, I take it hard. It doesn’t matter if I get 10 good reviews as well; that one bad review burns into my mind. So, imagine how much worse this must get when I have a particularly negative boss or coworker to deal with? How do other people handle these situations, and how can we handle unreasonably critical people when they come our way?
              First, I think it’s important to realize that this person’s negativity isn’t a reflection on you. If they are miserable every day and every night, then that is their problem to deal with. It doesn’t have to ruin your day, because clearly their baseline emotion is off. Are you bothered by the crazy guy yelling things out in the street? No…you accept that something is wrong there, and you quickly move on. Does the political activist on Facebook, who is so far right or left that they no longer know what “the middle” is, bother you? Of course not. Take the same approach with your boss, or other negative people: understand that their baseline is way off, and adjust your expectations accordingly. If this boss is your primary (only) source of feedback, then find another. Ask a trusted coworker to privately review your work. Have them evaluate what you are doing well and where you could get better.
On the other hand, though, don’t use a bad boss as an excuse to ignore criticism…this can create its own problem of complacency, and it brings up my next point: Try, though it might be unpleasant, to find the grains of truth in your boss’s words. Though the person may be a jerk (or other choice words) and 99% of their talk is angry dribble, their criticisms usually have at least an ounce of truth. If they call you out as being lazy and incompetent, then it might be good to ask yourself if you could improve in those areas. Could you have put more energy and focus into that last report? Could you learn more about your position to better function at your profession? Even the worst bosses still see you daily, and it’s unlikely they have it out to get you personally.
              The other thing to realize with negative people is that they tend to continue acting that way because they get away with it. I used to work in retail, and the loudest most unreasonable customers often got what they wanted. I once watched the store take a return of a broken 20-year-old vacuum cleaner, keeping in mind that the store hadn’t even sold vacuums in a decade, because the customer simply wouldn’t let it go. She stayed there complaining for half an hour, and the manager eventually just gave her what she wanted. Basically, people were tired of listening to her so they gave in to her ridiculous demands. The ‘difficult’ people in our world still act that way because people tolerate their behavior. It’s important to show this behavior isn’t acceptable, even if only between you and them.
              Finally, I think it’s important to try and understand the people we don’t like rather than to write them off. What is it about them that drives us crazy, and how do we think they got that way? Do you think your boss wants to be in a bad mood all day? Maybe they are dealing with family problems (strained marriage, family health issues, etc.) or personal problems (their own miserable boss, health issues, past emotional/ physical trauma) that have shaped them into what they currently are. The bully usually has a bully of their own to contend with. The whole idea that some people are just bad is lazy, and it allows us to stop trying. Be better than that, and look for the good in someone—no matter how deep it’s buried. Maybe at one point they were just like you.
              While I’m sure it would be more fun to read “It’s all your boss’s fault. Get ‘em fired!”, I think the difficult people in our lives have been put there for a reason. They challenge us to improve ourselves, and they force us to consider how we treat others—if only because we don’t want to be anything like them. When Jesus faced the pharisees, he didn’t run away or tell his friends “great, look who’s here.” He let them speak their minds and he patiently refuted their false words.  Likewise, he wasn’t turned into an emotional wreck by their traps; he knew them for what they were, and he didn’t give their deceptions a second thought. He just kept on doing his thing, staying calm and collected throughout. I think we can learn a lot from this example, and it’s what I strive towards in my own life. I hope this helps, and I will pray for you—and all who deal with difficult people—moving forward.
 
Sincerely,
 
Max