Dear Max,

I am a Catholic in his/her 30s who is still single and working a job that often leaves me
unfulfilled. What would you recommend I do to start finding deeper meaning in my life?
 
Sincerely,
 
Lost and Confused

 
Dear Lost and Confused,

I’m sorry to hear that you feel adrift in the sea of life, but I can assure you that I have been in your shoes—or at least similar ones. I am in my 30s, I am still single, and I am still searching for my life passion. I used to think my unfinished journey made me unqualified to discuss this topic, but I have come to realize that this journey doesn’t ever completely end; we never stop improving ourselves. However, I hope that I can give you some advice on how to better thrive in the world as you continue to try and find what you’ve been searching for. I have often thought of my vocation as this great destination; it was something that, once found, would allow everything else to neatly fall into place. I have thought about my dream job and how it would certainly transform my life with previously unimagined, new-found meaning. I have, at some point in my adult life, pictured myself as a writer, a teacher, a guidance counselor, a psychologist, a chef, a musician, a professional athlete (yes, I’m a bit of a dreamer), and even a priest. Each choice seems so great in idealized dreaming, and each allowed for me to flex some aspect of my personality. However, I wasn’t really making any great strides towards ANY of them. They were simply something nice to think about when I was bored or depressed. More recently, however, I’ve actively tried to engage the various skills underlying these professions, and I’ve seen concrete results. I started coaching high school sports, so I get the opportunity to teach and counsel my athletes each day. I love it, and I look forward to continuing next year. I contribute here on the YAM blog, so I am regularly practicing my writing and flexing my creative muscles. I have even begun to teach myself piano because it was something I always wanted to do. I doubt it will ever make me a buck, but it makes me happy so I will continue on.


If what you are searching for is fulfillment in your life, and who couldn’t use more fulfillment, then we have to stop thinking of this in simple terms of end result. There is no one thing, besides God himself, that can bring true happiness. Putting something else in that spot (a job, a significant other, etc.) is doomed to fail. So, our question instead must become what brings you joy in your daily life? For me, answers to that question included writing, music, and providing guidance to people in need. I truly enjoy it, and it’s why I wanted to write here in the first place. How do we find what makes us happy? Personally, I am a big fan of the Charisms and the associated literature. You can find an online quiz here to get started, and there are plenty of materials going into much greater details. To quickly sum up though, the charisms are the gifts we are blessed with at baptism, and they cover all variety of gifts: Craftsmanship, Teaching, Music, Writing, Service, Wisdom, Knowledge, etc. Each person receives a unique set of gifts that helps make them the person they are. Another helpful tool is to ask yourself a simple question: what would you do with the rest of your life if you won the lottery tomorrow? I’m talking the Mega Millions or Powerball...something so big that you would never have to worry about money again. If that was the case, what would you want to do with your next year? What about your next five years? This question is very good at telling you what is currently missing from your life. When all else fails, pray about it. God is the greatest source of wisdom we can hope for, and he is always listening to our calls. I hope this helps, and I wish you luck on your journey. I will pray for you, and I hope you will do the same for me.
 
Max